Flirting

Flirting or coquetry is a social and sexual behavior involving verbal or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, or if done playfully, for amusement.

In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicit sexual advances in public, or in private to someone not romantically acquainted, but indirect or suggestive advances may at times be considered acceptable.

Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest in the given setting. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony. Double entendres (where one meaning is more formally appropriate, and another more suggestive) may be used. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity, and other gestures. Flirting may be done in a under-exaggerated, shy or frivolous style. Vocal communication of interest can include, for example,

  • alterations in vocal tone (such as pace, volume, and intonation), and
  • challenges (including teasing, questions, qualifying, and feigned disinterest), which reason may to serve to increase tension, and to test intention and congruity.

Flirting behavior varies across cultures due to different modes of social etiquette, such as how closely people should stand (proxemics), how long to hold eye contact, how much touching is appropriate and so forth.[1] Nonetheless, some behaviors may be more universal. For example, ethologist Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt found that in places as different as Africa and North America, women exhibit similar flirting behavior, such as a prolonged stare followed by a head tilt away with a little smile, as seen in the accompanying image associated with a Hollywood film.

Marilyn Monroe and Cary Grant in Monkey Business trailer 3
Laurel (played by Marilyn Monroe) flirting with Dr. Fulton (played by Cary Grant) in the film Monkey Business
Das werdenSie ja nachher schon sehen
A poster by Henri Gerbault depicting flirting between a man and a woman

Etymology

The origin of the word flirt is obscure. The Oxford English Dictionary (first edition) associates it with such onomatopoeic words as flit and flick, emphasizing a lack of seriousness; on the other hand, it has been attributed to the old French conter fleurette, which means "to (try to) seduce" by the dropping of flower petals, that is, "to speak sweet nothings". While old-fashioned, this expression is still used in French, often mockingly, but the English gallicism to flirt has made its way and has now become an anglicism.[2]

The word fleurette was used in the 16th century in some sonnets,[3] and some other texts.[4][5][6] The French word fleurette (small flower), and the language of old south France word flouretas (from the Latin flora(for flower)), are related to some little says where flowers are both at the same time a pretext and the comparison terms. In southern France, some usage were yet used in 1484,[7][8] In French, some other words more or less related are derived from the word fleur: for instance effleurer (English: lightly touch) from 13th century esflourée; déflorer (English: deflower) from 13th century desflorer or (fleuret (English Foil) 18th century).

Anyway, the association of flowers, spring, youth, and women is not modern and were yet considered in ancient culture, such as the Chloris in ancient Greece, or Flora (deity) in ancient Roman empire, including Floralia festival, and in older poems:

Older poem

“Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
    the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
    the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
    is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
    the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
    my beautiful one, come with me.” — NIV

“Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away,
for behold, the winter is past;
    the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth,
    the time of singing[d] has come,
and the voice of the turtle-dove
    is heard in our land.
The fig tree ripens its figs,
    and the vines are in blossom;
    they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away. — ESV

Dodi (my beloved) spoke, and said unto me,
    Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
 For, hinei, the winter is past,
    the geshem (rain) is over and gone;
 The flowers appear on ha’aretz;
    the time of zemer (song, singing of birds) has come;
 and the voice of the turtle
    dove is heard in Artzeinu (our Land);
 The te’enah (fig tree) putteth forth her early figs,
    and the vines with the tender grape
    give forth fragrance.
 Arise, my love, my fair one,
    and come away.

— OJB

History

During World War II, anthropologist Margaret Mead was working in Britain for the British Ministry of Information and later for the U.S. Office of War Information,[9][10] delivering speeches and writing articles to help the American soldiers better understand the British civilians,[11] and vice versa.[12] She observed in the flirtations between the American soldiers and British women a pattern of misunderstandings regarding who is supposed to take which initiative. She wrote of the Americans, "The boy learns to make advances and rely upon the girl to repulse them whenever they are inappropriate to the state of feeling between the pair", as contrasted to the British, where "the girl is reared to depend upon a slight barrier of chilliness... which the boys learn to respect, and for the rest to rely upon the men to approach or advance, as warranted by the situation." This resulted, for example, in British women interpreting an American soldier's gregariousness as something more intimate or serious than he had intended.[9]

Communications theorist Paul Watzlawick used this situation, where "both American soldiers and British girls accused one another of being sexually brash", as an example of differences in "punctuation" in interpersonal communications. He wrote that courtship in both cultures used approximately 30 steps from "first eye contact to the ultimate consummation", but that the sequence of the steps was different. For example, kissing might be an early step in the American pattern but a relatively intimate act in the English pattern.[13]

Japanese courtesans had another form of flirting, emphasizing non-verbal relationships by hiding the lips and showing the eyes, as depicted in much Shunga art, the most popular print media at the time, until the late 19th century.

European hand fans

The fan was extensively used as a means of communication and therefore a way of flirting from the 16th century onwards in some European societies, especially England and Spain. A whole sign language was developed with the use of the fan, and even etiquette books and magazines were published. Charles Francis Badini created the Original Fanology or Ladies' Conversation Fan which was published by William Cock in London in 1797. The use of the fan was not limited to women, as men also carried fans and learned how to convey messages with them. For instance, placing the fan near the heart meant "I love you", while opening a fan wide meant "Wait for me".[14]

In Spain, where the use of fans (called "abanicos") is still very popular today, ladies used them to communicate with suitors or prospective suitors without attracting the notice of their families or chaperons. This use was highly popular during the 19th and early 20th centuries.[15]

Purpose

People flirt for a variety of reasons. Flirting can indicate an interest in a deeper personal relationship with another person. Some people flirt simply for amusement, with no intention of developing any further relationship. For others, flirting serves a purpose and is employed as a tool to achieve a specific (professional) goal (good salespeople will recognise situations where flirting will help a sale).

Courtship

In order to bond and/or to express sexual interest, people flirt. According to social anthropologist Kate Fox, there are two main types of flirting: flirting just for fun and flirting with further intent.[16] Flirting for fun can take place between friends, co-workers, or total strangers that wish to get to know each other. This type of flirting does not intend to lead to sexual intercourse or a romantic relationship, but increases the bonds between two people.

Flirting with intent plays a role in the mate-selection process. The person flirting will send out signals of sexual availability to another, and expects to see the interest returned in order to continue flirting. Flirting can involve non-verbal signs, such as an exchange of glances, hand-touching, and hair-touching; or verbal signs, such as chatting, giving flattering comments, and exchanging telephone numbers in order to initiate further contact. In the 21st century flirting is increasingly taking place in instant messaging and other social media.[17]

Examples

Jealousy and Flirtation
A study in body language: Haynes King's Jealousy and Flirtation

Flirting may consist of stylized gestures, language, body language, postures, and physiologic signs which act as cues to another person. Among these, at least in Western society, are:

  • smiling at them and/ or holding them close
  • Blowing a kiss
  • Casual touches; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation[18]
  • Conversation (e.g. banter, small talk, pickup lines)[18]
  • Coyness, marked by cute, coquettish shyness or modesty, coquet or playful aggrandizement of a friends importance
  • Eye contact,[18] batting eyelashes, or staring
  • Eyebrow raising
  • Flattery (e.g. regarding beauty, sexual attractiveness)
  • Footsie,[18] a form of flirtation in which one uses their feet to play with another's
  • Giggling, or laughing encouragingly at any slight hint of intimacy in the other's behavior
  • Imitating or mirroring another's behavior (e.g. taking a drink when the other person takes a drink, changing posture as the other does, foreshadowing or mimicking someone's reactions to successful attraction etc.)
  • Maintaining close proximity, such as during casual talking
  • Chatting online, texting, and using other one-on-one and direct messaging services, while hinting affection
  • Protean signals or indicators of interest, such as touching one's hair
  • Sending notes, poems, or small gifts
  • Singing specially selected love songs in presence of the person
  • Smiling
  • Staging of "chance" encounters
  • Stroking
  • Teasing
  • Tickling
  • Winking

The effectiveness of many of these interactions has been subjected to detailed analysis by behavioral psychologists, and advice on their use is available from dating coaches.[19]

Cultural variations

Flirting varies a great deal from culture to culture. For example, for many western cultures one very common flirting strategy includes eye contact. However, eye contact can have a very different meaning in some Asian countries, where women might get in trouble if they return a glance to men who stare at them. Furthermore, Chinese and Japanese women are sometimes not expected to initiate eye contact as it could be considered rude and disrespectful.[20]

Eugen de Blaas The Flirtation
The Flirtation by Eugene de Blaas. A study of body language: a man flirting

The distance between two people is also important when flirting. People from the "contact cultures", such as those in the Mediterranean or Latin America, may feel comfortable with closer proximity, whereas a British or Northern European person may typically need more space. Although touching, especially of the hand or arm, can constitute flirting, touching is also often done without intentions of flirting, particularly in the contact cultures where it forms a natural part of communication.[21]

See also

References

  1. ^ "Scoring a German: Flirting with Fräuleins, Hunting for Herren". Spiegel.de. Retrieved 2012-10-03.
  2. ^ texte, Académie de Nîmes. Auteur du (9 August 1876). "Mémoires de l'Académie royale du Gard". Gallica.
  3. ^ texte, La Taille, Jean de (1535?-1611?). Auteur du; texte, Arioste, L' (1474-1533). Auteur du; texte, La Taille, Jacques de (1542-1562). Auteur du (9 August 1573). "La famine, ou Les Gabéonites, tragédie prise de la Bible et suivant celle de Saül, ensemble plusieurs autres oeuvres poëtiques de Jehan de La Taille de Bondaroy..." Gallica.
  4. ^ texte, Tabourot, Étienne (1549-1590). Auteur du; texte, Tabourot, Étienne (1549-1590). Auteur du (9 August 2018). "Les bigarrures et touches du seigneur des Accords . Avec les Apophtegmes du sieur Gaulard et les Escraignes dijonnoises. Dernière édition, reveue et de beaucoup augmentée". Gallica.
  5. ^ texte, Guy de Tours (1562?-1611?). Auteur du; texte, Berthelot (15..-16.. ; poète satirique). Auteur du; texte, Béroalde de Verville, François (1556-1626). Auteur du; texte, Gauchet, Claude (1540-162.). Auteur du (9 August 2018). "Les muses incognues ou La seille aux bourriers plaine de désirs et imaginations d'amour : réimprimé textuellement et collationné sur l'exemplaire existant à la Bibliothèque de l'Arsenal à Paris ([Reprod. en fac-sim.]) / recueil de poésies satyriques de Béroalde de Verville, de Guy de Tours, de Gauchet, de Berthelot, de Motin, etc". Gallica.
  6. ^ texte, Larivey, Pierre de (1540?-1619). Auteur du (9 August 2018). "Les comédies facécieuses de Pierre de Larivey, champenois . A l'imitation des anciens Grecs, Latins, & modernes Italiens. A sçavoir, le Laquais, la Veuve, les Esprits, le Morfondu, les Escolliers". Gallica.
  7. ^ Revue des langues romanes
  8. ^ Émile Littré, "fleurette", Dictionnaire de la langue française (in French)
  9. ^ a b Mead, Margaret (2004). William O. Beeman, ed. Studying Contemporary Western Society: Method and Theory. New York: Berghahn Books. pp. 145, 149. ISBN 978-1-57181-816-4.
  10. ^ Mead's article, A Case History in Cross-National Communications, was originally published in Bryson, Lyman (1948). The Communication of Ideas. New York: Institute for Religious and Social Studies, dist. by Harper and Brothers. OCLC 1488507.
  11. ^ e.g. Mead, Margaret (1944). The American troops and the British community. London: Hutchinson. OCLC 43965908.
  12. ^ e.g. Mead, Margaret. "What Is a Date?". Transatlantic. 10 (June 1944). OCLC 9091671.
  13. ^ Watzlawick, Paul (1983). How Real Is Real?. London: Souvenir Press. pp. 63–64. ISBN 978-0-285-62573-0.
  14. ^ "Ladies and their Fans". Avictorian.com. Retrieved 2010-06-23.
  15. ^ "The Language of the Fan". Spainforvisitors.com. Retrieved 2010-06-23.
  16. ^ "SIRC Guide to flirting". Sirc.org. Retrieved 2011-08-14.
  17. ^ "Pittsburgh is the 'flirtiest' city in the country". Timesonline.com. 2011-09-15. Retrieved 2012-10-03.
  18. ^ a b c d Flirting. Sexplanations. 2014-03-25.
  19. ^ Winter, Susan (2015-04-19). "The Dating Game of Hot and Cold". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2017-03-15.
  20. ^ "Covert glances and eye contact". Brighthub.com. Retrieved 2010-06-23.
  21. ^ "SIRC Guide to Flirting". Sirc.org. Retrieved 2010-06-23.
American Dad! (season 7)

American Dad!'s seventh season began airing on October 3, 2010. It ended after 19 episodes on May 22, 2011. Guest stars of this season include Jason Alexander, Sarah Chalke, Hector Elizondo, Anthony Michael Hall, Hayden Panettiere, Lou Diamond Phillips and Burt Reynolds.

David O. Russell

David Owen Russell (born August 20, 1958) is an American film director, screenwriter, and producer. His early directing career includes the comedy films Spanking the Monkey (1994), Flirting with Disaster (1996), Three Kings (1999), and I ♥ Huckabees (2004).

Three of Russell's more recent films – the biographical sports drama The Fighter (2010), the romantic comedy-drama Silver Linings Playbook (2012), and the comedy-drama crime film American Hustle (2013) – were commercially successful and acclaimed by critics, having earned Russell three Academy Award nominations for Best Director, as well as a Best Adapted Screenplay nomination for Silver Linings Playbook and a Best Original Screenplay nomination for American Hustle. Russell received his seventh Golden Globe nomination for the semi-biographical comedy-drama Joy (2015).

Flirting (film)

Flirting is a 1991 Australian coming-of-age comedy drama film written and directed by John Duigan. The story revolves around a romance between two teenagers, and it stars Noah Taylor, who appears again as Danny Embling, the protagonist of Duigan's 1987 film The Year My Voice Broke. It also stars Thandie Newton and Nicole Kidman.

Flirting is the second in an incomplete potential trilogy of autobiographical films by Duigan. It was produced by Terry Hayes, Doug Mitchell, Barbara Gibbs and George Miller, and made by Kennedy Miller Studios, who also made the Mad Max Trilogy. The film won the 1990 Australian Film Institute Award for Best Film, as The Year My Voice Broke had in 1987.

Flirting Scholar

Flirting Scholar (Chinese: 唐伯虎點秋香; pinyin: Táng Bóhǔ diǎn Qiūxiāng; Jyutping: Tong4 Baak3fu2 dim2 Cau2heong1) is a 1993 Hong Kong comedy film directed by Stephen Chow and Lee Lik-Chi.

Flirting Scholar 2

Flirting Scholar 2 (simplified Chinese: 唐伯虎点秋香2之四大才子; traditional Chinese: 唐伯虎點秋香2之四大才子; pinyin: Táng Bóhǔ diǎn Qiūxiāng èr zhi Sì Dà Cáizǐ; Jyutping: tong4 baak3 fu2 dim2 cau1 heong1 ji6 zi1 sei3 daai6 coi4 zi2) is a 2010 Chinese comedy film directed by Hong Kong director Lee Lik-Chi and starring Huang Xiaoming, Zhang Jingchu, Natalis Chan, Zhou Libo and Richie Ren. It is a prequel to the 1993 Hong Kong film Flirting Scholar which starred Stephen Chow and also directed by Lee.

Flirting with Disaster (American Dad!)

"Flirting with Disaster" is the eighteenth episode of the seventh season and the 114th overall episode of the animated comedy series American Dad!. It aired on Fox in the United States on May 15, 2011, and is written by Keith Heisler and directed by Pam Cooke.In the episode, Francine begins working at the CIA office with Stan, which makes Stan uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger build birdhouses for cash.

Flirting with Disaster (Jill Johnson album)

Flirting with Disaster is a 2011 studio album by Jill Johnson produced by Amir Aly från 2011, allowing her to score her first number-one album in Sweden success.

Flirting with Disaster (film)

Flirting with Disaster is a 1996 American black comedy film written and directed by David O. Russell about a young father's search for his biological parents. The film stars Ben Stiller, Patricia Arquette, Téa Leoni, Mary Tyler Moore, George Segal, Richard Jenkins, Josh Brolin, Glenn Fitzgerald, Alan Alda and Lily Tomlin. It was screened out of competition in the Special Screenings section at the 1996 Cannes Film Festival.

Flirting with Fate (1916 film)

Flirting with Fate is a 1916 American film directed by Christy Cabanne and starring Douglas Fairbanks. It was produced by the Fine Arts Film Company and distributed by Triangle Film Corporation.

Flirting with Fate (1938 film)

Flirting with Fate is a 1938 American comedy film directed by Frank McDonald and written by Joseph Moncure March, Charlie Melson and Ethel La Blanche. The film stars Joe E. Brown, Leo Carrillo, Beverly Roberts, Wynne Gibson, Steffi Duna, Charles Judels and Stanley Fields. The film was released on December 2, 1938, by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.

Flirting with Forty

Flirting with Forty is a 2008 Lifetime movie, based on the novel by Jane Porter, starring Heather Locklear and Robert Buckley. The movie premiered on December 6, 2008.

The movie focuses on a divorced mother named Jackie (Locklear) who goes to Hawaii for her 40th birthday and meets a young male surfing instructor named Kyle (Buckley). The two flirt and Kyle teaches Jackie how to surf. Complications develop because the two are living in different parts of the world.

Flirting with Love

Flirting with Love is a 1924 American silent drama film directed by John Francis Dillon and starring Colleen Moore, Conway Tearle and Winifred Bryson.

Footsie (flirting)

Footsie (footsy, or footsies) is a flirting game where two people touch feet under a table or otherwise concealed place, often as a romantic prelude. It is a game played either as an act of flirtatious body language, or simply for enjoyment. Although footsie is not inherently romantic, the nature of it as playful touching is often done between young lovers as a sign of affection, and most often without discussion. The term comes from a 1940s humorous diminutive of foot.

Highway Companion

Highway Companion is the third and final solo studio album by American singer-songwriter Tom Petty. It was released on July 25, 2006, and charted at No. 4 on the Billboard 200 album chart. The album was produced by former Traveling Wilburys bandmate Jeff Lynne, who also produced Petty’s highly acclaimed first solo album, Full Moon Fever, as well as the Heartbreakers' next album Into the Great Wide Open. Petty released the album through Rick Rubin's American Recordings label and Warner Bros. Records, where Petty has had a record contract since his second solo album, Wildflowers (which was produced by Rubin). The tracks "Saving Grace" and "Big Weekend" were released July 4, 2006 on the iTunes Music Store. It ended up being Petty's only album for American Recordings, as that label moved to Columbia Records distribution in 2007; Warner Bros. retained the rights to Petty, eventually reassigning him to subsidiary label Reprise Records.

A streaming version of the album was available on numerous websites before its release. The iTunes release of the album contained extras: a live version of "Saving Grace", the video for "Saving Grace" and an interactive media booklet.

Human mating strategies

In evolutionary psychology and behavioral ecology, human mating strategies are a set of behaviors used by individuals to attract, select, and retain mates. Mating strategies overlap with reproductive strategies, which encompass a broader set of behaviors involving the timing of reproduction and the trade-off between quantity and quality of offspring (see life history theory).

Relative to other animals, human mating strategies are unique in their relationship with cultural variables such as the institution of marriage. Humans may seek out individuals with the intention of forming a long-term intimate relationship, marriage, casual relationship, or friendship. The human desire for companionship is one of the strongest human drives. It is an innate feature of human nature, and may be related to the sex drive. The human mating process encompasses the social and cultural processes whereby one person may meet another to assess suitability, the courtship process and the process of forming an interpersonal relationship. Commonalities, however, can be found between humans and nonhuman animals in mating behavior (see animal sexual behavior).

John Duigan

John Duigan (born 19 June 1949) is an Australian film director. He is mostly known for his two autobiographical films The Year My Voice Broke and Flirting, and the 1994 film Sirens, which starred Hugh Grant.

Patricia Arquette

Patricia Arquette (born April 8, 1968) is an American actress. She made her feature film debut as Kristen Parker in A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987). Her other notable films include True Romance (1993), Ed Wood (1994), Flirting with Disaster (1996), Lost Highway (1997), The Hi-Lo Country (1998), Bringing Out the Dead (1999), Holes (2003), and Fast Food Nation (2006).

For her performance in the coming-of-age drama film Boyhood (2014), which was filmed from 2002 until 2014, Arquette received widespread critical praise and won the Academy Award, BAFTA Award, Critics' Choice Award, Golden Globe Award, Independent Spirit Award, Satellite Award, and Screen Actors Guild Award, along with many other critics prizes, for Best Supporting Actress.

On television, she played the character Allison DuBois—based on the author and medium Allison DuBois, who claims to have psychic abilities—in the supernatural drama series Medium (2005–2011). She won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series in 2005, from two nominations she received for the role, in addition to three Golden Globe Award and Screen Actors Guild Award nominations. Arquette also appeared in the CSI franchise as Avery Ryan, the Deputy Director of the FBI, starring in CSI: Cyber (2015–16). She starred as Joyce Mitchell in the Showtime miniseries Escape at Dannemora (2018), for which she won the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress – Miniseries or Television Film.

Sexual ethics

Sexual ethics or sex ethics (also called sexual morality) is the study of ethics in relation to human sexuality and sexual behavior. Sexual ethics seeks to understand and evaluate the moral conduct of interpersonal relationships and sexual activities from social, cultural, and philosophical perspectives. Sexual ethics involve issues such as gender identification, sexual orientation, consent, sexual relations, and procreation.

Historically, the prevailing notions of what was deemed as sexually ethical have been tied to religious values. More recently, the feminist movement has emphasized personal choice and consent in sexual activities.

Symphorophilia

Symphorophilia is a paraphilia in which sexual arousal involves staging and watching a tragedy, such as a fire or a traffic accident.

The term was coined by John Money in his 1984 paper Paraphilias: Phenomenology and classification, formed from the Greek root "συμφορά" ("symphora", event, misfortune):

A special form of sacrificial paraphilia, for which a suitable name is symphorophilia (being erotically turned on by accidents or catastrophes), culminates in an arranged disaster, such as an automobile crash. Like a game of Russian roulette, it may end in death — alone or with the partner. However, flirting with disaster, rather than suicide and murder is the trigger responsible for autoerotic arousal and excitement. Being the daredevil who will live to risk a love-death again is an essential part of this paraphilia.

As a photographic print is the positive made from its negative, so also the positive of self-crashing is arranging for a disaster to occur on the highway, and then watching the carnage from a preselected observation post. Disasters other than on the highway may be arranged — catastrophic fires, for example. For those members of the general public who have a touch of sadomasochism in them, disaster as an unrehearsed event is often a large part of the appeal of entertainment stunts and sports, from the circus to stock-car racing.

Although it does not use the term, a 1960 study in the American Journal of Psychiatry describes a man aroused by being injured by "an automobile operated by a woman".

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