Being Tom Cruise

"The Church of Scientology Presents: Being Tom Cruise, Why Scientology Isn't In Any Way Mental" is a satirical spoof documentary from the series Star Stories, parodying the life of Tom Cruise and his relationship with the Church of Scientology. It is episode 2 of the second series of Star Stories, and first aired on Channel 4 on 2 August 2007. The show recounts Cruise's time with a group of some of his early acting friends. After filming Top Gun, Cruise (Kevin Bishop) is introduced to Scientology by John Travolta (Steve Edge), who convinces him to join the organization by smashing Cruise over the head with a shovel. He meets Nicole Kidman (Dolly Wells) and they start a relationship. After dating Penélope Cruz, Cruise is introduced to Katie Holmes (Laura Patch) by Travolta. Holmes agrees to marry Cruise, and the program ends with a voiceover asking the viewer to visit a Scientology website and purchase expensive products.

The program received positive reception, and The Guardian and the Evening Times highlighted it as the "pick of the day".[1][2] The Daily Mirror described it as a "brilliant spoof",[3] and The Sunday Times characterized the show as "Comedy so broad it barely fits on the screen, it is hard not to be amused".[4] The Herald Sun called it a "ruthless but spot-on parody".[5]

"Being Tom Cruise"
Star Stories episode
Being Tom Cruise title
Episode no.Series 2
Episode 2
Directed byElliot Hegarty
Written byLee Hupfield, Bert Tyler-Moore, George Jeffrie
Produced byPhilip Clarke, Lee Hupfield, Andrew O'Connor
Featured musicMark Thomas
Cinematography byPete Rowe
Editing byMark Davies
Original air date2 August 2007


The parody of Tom Cruise (Kevin Bishop) is framed through the viewpoint of the actor's association with the Church of Scientology.[6] The show recounts the actor's days with a group of actors known as the Brat Pack, and how he maintains a friendship with Patrick Swayze, an actor from this crowd.[1] (Brat Pack is a nickname given to a group of young actors and actresses who frequently appeared together in teen-oriented coming-of-age films in the 1980s; Cruise has been referred to as a member due to his role in the film The Outsiders.)[7] While filming Top Gun, Cruise is afraid he looks "a bit gay" next to his co-stars.[3] His co-stars subsequently turn into the Village People.[3] Cruise has alien spirit guides who appear as "a pair of giant blobs who speak with Welsh accents".[2] They comment on Top Gun, "It's no ET but it's got something."[2] Cruise is introduced to Scientology by John Travolta (Steve Edge), who presents it as a "legitimate alien-race-based religion".[1][3] After Travolta bashes him over the head with a shovel, Cruise remarks: "Ouch. . . wait a minute. Scientology. It all makes perfect sense now."[2] Ewan McGregor tries to convince Cruise to convert to the Jedi methodology.[4]

When Cruise first meets Nicole Kidman (Dolly Wells), he asks her to sit down so that he will appear taller.[1] Cruise performs his "dangling-from-the ceiling routine" from Mission: Impossible – while in bed with Kidman.[2] Cruise asks Kidman how he can prove he is not gay, and she recommends that they make the film Eyes Wide Shut.[3] Stanley Kubrick is portrayed as a sleazy film director,[2] and the program shows a newspaper headline giving a critical review of Eyes Wide Shut.[5] The show portrays Cruise's relationship with Penélope Cruz, who is seen wearing a mantilla.[4] Travolta introduces Cruise to his third wife Katie Holmes (Laura Patch) who is depicted as a robotic Stepford Wife.[3][8] "Greetings, Earth Man, I am here to serve you," says Holmes to Cruise upon their first meeting.[3] After Cruise asks Holmes to marry him, she states, "Affirmative".[3] The show makes fun of Cruise's couch jumping incident on The Oprah Winfrey Show.[8] (This spoof is in reference to a 2005 appearance by Cruise on the Oprah program, where he "jumped around the set, hopped onto a couch, fell to one knee and repeatedly professed his love for his new girlfriend.")[9] At the wedding of Cruise and Holmes, an alien bride and groom are displayed on the top of the couple's wedding cake, and the show spoofs the couple's wedding vows.[8] A voiceover at the end of the program tells the viewer to visit and purchase £4,000 worth of books.[3]


Production on the second series of Star Stories was announced by Channel 4 in January 2007, and in addition to Tom Cruise, others set for parodying included Simon Cowell, Britney Spears and "the 1990s chart battle between Oasis and Blur".[10][11] The show was episode two of the second series of Star Stories.[12] The episode was first broadcast on Channel 4 on 2 August 2007.[13] On its website, Channel 4 promoted the episode with the description, "Hollywood's smallest actor (after Danny DeVito) expounds on Aliens from Outer Space and the best career choices ever."[13] In August 2007, the series was set to be remade into a new version in the U.S.[14]

Legal issues

Multiple publications commented on the potential legal implications of parodying both Tom Cruise and Scientology.[2][4] "Given the Church of Scientology's full-throttle reaction to any criticism or mickey-taking, the Star Stories boys are sure to find themselves in the firing line," wrote a reviewer for the Evening Times.[2] A review in The Sunday Times commented, "Taking their careers in their hands, the Star Stories team tackle the notoriously litigious Tom Cruise ... The lawyers must still be having a nice lie down after watching."[4]

In an interview with The Northern Echo, Star Stories actor Kevin Bishop discussed the legal issues involved with making the series: "We're not allowed to say anything about anyone that isn't true. It can be quite tricky. Sometimes we've had to change lines even when the filming is all finished. We go back to the recording studio and put one line over another line. ... The only reason I reckon we've not been sued is because actually we've not said anything that technically we can't."[15] He said the series was "well looked after" by attorneys.[16] In a 2009 interview with The Independent, Bishop recounted an experience when he gave a copy of the program to television producers in the United States: "I gave some American producers the Star Stories DVD and those that could be bothered to watch it saw the Tom Cruise one. One guy went 'you can't do that it's Tom Cruise man? [we’ve done it] 'yeah but you can't do that on TV' [it's already gone out] 'what you’re talking about Scientology, are you fucking nuts?? [er, look we’ve done it it's been on telly and everyone loved and we've had no complaints] has Tom Cruise seen this?!"[17]


The Guardian and the Evening Times highlighted the Star Stories parody as the "pick of the day".[1][2] Martin Skeggs of The Guardian commented, "There's everything you ever wanted to know about the world's number one film star, including how he was introduced to Scientology (John Travolta whacked him over the head with a shovel), the time he met Nicole Kidman and asked her if she would mind sitting down to make him look taller".[1] He characterized the parody as, "A toned down version of real life, then."[1] Barry McDonald of the Evening Times described the episode as "equally cruel and sidesplittingly hilarious".[2] He commented, "This is as close to must-watch television as you're likely to get and a testament to the quality of comedy writing on display."[2] In a later review of the program for the Evening Times when it was shown again on re-runs, McDonald wrote, "I don't care if it's been shown several times before, this is one of the shows which you just have to see again."[18] Anila Baig of The Sun highlighted the show as "Best Spoof", and wrote, "pint-sized Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise is subjected to some serious mocking. We follow his film career, his marriages to Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes (portrayed as a robot) and how everything in his life has been shaped by his belief in Scientology. The show is as crude as ever".[19] Stephen Milton of The Sun described the parody of Cruise's appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show as "the best gag in the whole episode".[6] Aidan Smith of Scotland on Sunday wrote favorably of the show, and noted, "Fearlessly, in view of how paranoid Scientologists are, the latest target was Tom Cruise. I especially liked the scene where the tiny screen giant winched himself, Mission Impossible-style, on to Nicole Kidman while she slugged from a tinnie like a good Sheila."[20]

The Daily Mirror described the program as "far too funny".[8] A review in The Daily Mirror was positive, commenting, "If you want to see a brilliant spoof about Tom Cruise's faith in Scientology and his relationship with Katie Holmes, look no further than C4's Star Stories."[3] She commented, "It's so absurd, even Tom will laugh."[3] The Advertiser described Star Stories as "a surprisingly funny sendup of movie stars and pop groups", and noted of the episode's title, "This week's episode is titled Being Tom Cruise - How Scientology isn't in Any Way Mental, which should give you some idea of the vein of humour mined."[12] The Sunday Times observed, "Just when you thought you might go a week without seeing a mention of brand Beckham, here is a documentary on their best friends, brand Tom Cruise, as recorded by the least reverential writers and least convincing lookalikes on the planet. Scientologists might prefer something on the Sci-fi channel."[21] Victoria Segal, Sally Kinnes and Sarah Dempster of The Sunday Times highlighted the episode in their "Critics' Choice" column.[4] They commented that the show's producers "[give] their own account of his career, his love life and his religion: It's all about aliens. Comedy so broad it barely fits on the screen, it is hard not to be amused".[4] Cameron Adams of the Herald Sun highlighted the program as his "Top Choice".[5] Adams commented, "This ruthless but spot-on parody re-enacts Cruise's life and career through Hollywood gossip, rumour and exaggeration (his father is a midget, Katie Holmes a robot, Nicole Kidman a beer-swilling bogan), but is an antidote to every interview he's ever done."[5] Writing for The Newcastle Herald, Anita Beaumont commented, "This is really silly stuff, but it is amusing enough to enliven a fairly dull night of TV."[22] The Sunday Mirror wrote that the program "was as subtle as a sledge hammer".[23] Simon Hoggart of The Spectator called the program "a magnificently over-the-top anti-celebrity festival".[24]

See also


  1. ^ a b c d e f g Skegg, Martin (28 July 2007). "The Guide: Television Friday 3: pick of the day: Star Stories". The Guardian. Guardian Newspapers Ltd.
  2. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k McDonald, Barry (3 August 2007). "Pick of the Day Star Stories, Channel 4". Evening Times. Newsquest Media Group Ltd.
  3. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k The Daily Mirror staff (30 July 2007). "TV Land: Sex flick Star Tom". The Daily Mirror. Retrieved 2009-11-14.
  4. ^ a b c d e f g Segal, Victoria; Sally Kinnes; Sarah Dempster (29 July 2007). "Critics' Choice - Television". The Sunday Times. Times Newspapers Limited. p. Culture 72.
  5. ^ a b c d Adams, Cameron (14 January 2009). "Television - Top Choice". Herald Sun. Nationwide News Pty Limited. p. 087.
  6. ^ a b Milton, Stephen (3 August 2007). "A peep at Tom - Television". The Sun. News Group Newspapers Limited. p. Eire TV Guide 1.
  7. ^ Blum, David (1985-06-10). "Hollywood's Brat Pack". New York: 40–47.
  8. ^ a b c d Quigley, Maeve (3 August 2007). "TV Ireland: Comedy Star Stories". The Daily Mirror.
  9. ^ Waxman, Sharon (2005-06-02). "How Personal Is Too Personal for a Star Like Tom Cruise?". The New York Times. The New York Times Company. Retrieved 2006-08-26.
  10. ^ Nathan, Sara (23 January 2007). "Channel 4 is lining up a second series of comic spoof Star Stories - TV Biz". The Sun. News Group Newspapers Limited. p. 23.
  11. ^ Simon, Jane (27 July 2007). "Your Life: We Love Telly! - Comedy Star Stories C4". The Daily Mirror.
  12. ^ a b The Advertiser staff (14 January 2009). "Star Stories". The Advertiser. Nationwide News Pty Limited. p. D04.
  13. ^ a b Channel 4 (2009). "Star Stories - Series 2, Episode 2". Retrieved 2009-11-14.
  14. ^ Wallis, Alistair (28 August 2007). "Media Consumption: Zoe Mode's Paul Mottram". Gamasutra. Think Services. Retrieved 2009-11-14.
  15. ^ Pratt, Steve (2 August 2007). "Television - Star attraction". The Northern Echo. p. 05.
  16. ^ Scott, Sally (3 December 2007). "Hilarious tongue-in-cheek celeb peek". Tonight. Tonight & Independent Online (Pty) Ltd. Retrieved 2009-11-14.
  17. ^ The Independent staff (22 July 2009). "Kevin Bishop - Perfect comic timing". The Independent. Independent News and Media Limited. Retrieved 2009-11-14.
  18. ^ McDonald, Barry (2 October 2008). "TV Pick of the Day - High-flying task set to crash chefs". Evening Times. Newsquest Media Group Ltd.
  19. ^ Baig, Anila (3 August 2007). "What to watch tonight - Television". The Sun. News Group Newspapers Limited. p. 35.
  20. ^ Smith, Aidan (5 August 2007). "Television Review: On the Box". Scotland on Sunday. The Scotsman Publications Ltd.
  21. ^ The Sunday Times staff (29 July 2007). "The best of the week ahead - Television". The Sunday Times. Times Newspapers Limited 2007. p. Culture 51.
  22. ^ Beaumont, Anita (14 January 2009). "Highlights - TV & Stars". The Newcastle Herald. Newcastle Newspapers Pty Limited. p. 79.
  23. ^ O'Sullivan, Kevin (5 August 2007). "Big up". Sunday Mirror.
  24. ^ Hoggart, Simon (4 August 2007). "Misleading the public". The Spectator.

External links

A Token of My Extreme

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Arenz, Röder and Dagmar v. Germany

Arenz, Röder and Dagmar v. Germany (Communication No. 1138/2002) was a case decided by the UN Human Rights Committee in 2004.

Church of Scientology v. Sweden

Church of Scientology v. Sweden (8282/78) was a case decided by the European Commission of Human Rights in 1980.

Concerned Businessmen's Association of America

The Concerned Businessmen's Association of America (CBAA), founded in 1983, is a Scientology-related movement directed at promoting moral education and "enhanced well-being". The organization uses L. Ron Hubbard's The Way to Happiness booklet as part of their Set A Good Example (SAGE) program, which holds children's anti-drug contests, and awards grants to participating schools. The Way to Happiness presents Scientology's religious concepts in a secular framework. The CBAA licenses the trademarks of the Association for Better Living and Education (ABLE). Their office is located in Reno, Nevada.

Freedom Medal

The Freedom Medal is a medal awarded to Scientologists. It is awarded annually to members of the Church of Scientology for "bringing greater freedom to mankind". Established in 1985, the Freedom Medal has had 80 recipients.

Freedom Medal of Valor

The Freedom Medal of Valor is a medal awarded to Scientologists. It is a larger version of the more common Freedom Medal awarded annually to members of the Church of Scientology for "bringing greater freedom to mankind". Established in 1985, the Freedom Medal has had 80 recipients; however to date the Freedom Medal of Valor has had but a single recipient - Tom Cruise. His medal was awarded for "humanitarian work of a larger global scale."

Hubbard Association of Scientologists International

The Hubbard Association of Scientologists (HAS) was the original corporation founded in 1954 by L. Ron Hubbard that managed all Scientology organizations. The HAS evolved from the Office of L. Ron Hubbard located in Phoenix, Arizona. It was re-incorporated later in the year as the Hubbard Association of Scientologists International (HASI) to correct the non-profit status omission in the corporate paperwork.

HASI general members would receive 10% discount on all books, tape lectures and other items from Church bookstores. HASI membership was a requirement to take services at the various Scientology organizations.

HASI was the sole membership organization for the Church of Scientology prior to October 1984, when the International Association of Scientologists was started.

Project Normandy

Project Normandy was a top secret Church of Scientology operation wherein the church planned to take over the city of Clearwater, Florida, by infiltrating government offices and media centers. Gabe Cazares, who was the mayor of Clearwater at the time, used the term “the occupation of Clearwater.”

R v Church of Scientology of Toronto

The Queen v. Church of Scientology of Toronto was a 1992 Canadian criminal case involving the Church of Scientology and members of the organization. It also involved previously untested sections of Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Scientology and marriage

Scientology and marriage, within the Church of Scientology, are discussed in the book The Background, Ministry, Ceremonies & Sermons of the Scientology Religion.

Scientology weddings do not require that both parties of the wedding be adherents of Scientology. Nor does the Church necessarily exclude material from weddings of other faiths in its own ceremonies. One source, J. Gordon Melton, has ascribed this to Scientology trying to mollify members of the wedding partners' families.

Scientology in Canada

Scientology in Canada has encountered difficulties in obtaining status as a tax exempt organization, as has happened in other countries.

Scientology in Egypt

The Church of Scientology has no official presence in Egypt and there are no known membership statistics available. In 2002, two members were detained by Egyptian authorities under the charges of "contempt of religion". However, some books by the founder, L. Ron Hubbard, have started to appear in several Egyptian bookstores in the late 2000s, and were even approved by Al-Azhar, the highest Sunni learning institution in the Muslim world. Egypt is listed on an official Scientology website as being a country "in which Dianetics and Scientology services are ministered". Narconon, an organization which promotes Hubbard's drug abuse treatment, has a branch in Fayoum.

Scientology in New Zealand

Scientology has been established in New Zealand since 1955.The 2006 census gives 357 people affiliated to The Church of Scientology although the Church claims that it has 5000 followers. By the 2013 census the number claiming to be affiliated had dropped to 315 people.The church is registered as a charity and Inland Revenue Department has granted charitable status to the church for tax purposes. Marion Moffat is the chairperson of Church of Scientology of New Zealand.

In 1969 the government instituted a Commission of Inquiry into Scientology which resulted in the Dumbleton-Powles Report.

On 21 January 2017, the new Ideal Church of Scientology of Auckland opened its doors in the heritage-listed Grafton building, formerly Whitecliffe Art College.

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Scientology in Pakistan is said to be followed among a very small number of people, mainly from the middle and upper classes of Karachi. The Dianetics Centre of Karachi for Personal Excellence, located in Gulshan-e-Iqbal, is affiliated with the Church of Scientology. The center provides introductory courses, individual counseling and life improvement courses.Several Scientology-affiliated organisations are active in the country. Youth Together for Human Rights Education (YTHRE), affiliated with Youth for Human Rights International, promotes human rights education and has conducted workshops on character development for thousands of participants. The Criminon program, run by the Scientologist community under the coordination of the Society for Advancement of Health, Education and the Environment (SAHEE), has been used to rehabilitate over 1,500 prisoners in Pakistani jails. Over 12,000 policemen have also attended Criminon workshops. The Study Tech teaching method developed by L. Ron Hubbard has been adopted in schools in Pakistan, a program for which Applied Scholastics has trained many teachers. Scientologist-run Assist teams have aided in several relief operations throughout the country in times of natural disasters.

Scientology in Russia

Scientology has been subjected to considerable persecution in Russia.

Shelly Miscavige

Michele Diane Miscavige (born January 18, 1961), better known as Shelly, is the wife of Church of Scientology leader David Miscavige. She has not been seen in public since August 2007, and her whereabouts remain unknown.

Actress Leah Remini, a former Scientologist and vocal critic of the organization, filed a missing person report regarding Mrs. Miscavige with the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) in 2013. According to a story in the Los Angeles Times based on information from an anonymous LAPD source, the LAPD contacted Mrs. Miscavige and subsequently closed the case. The same article reports that Mrs. Miscavige's attorneys have disputed that she is missing, and characterize Remini's allegations as harassment or publicity-seeking.

Star Stories

Star Stories is a British television comedy programme that takes a satirical look at celebrities and their lives. It was first shown on Channel 4 on 15 September 2006.

Star Stories is made by Objective Productions commissioned for Channel 4 by Shane Allen and Andrew Newman with Lee Hupfield producing, Elliot Hegarty directing and Phil Clarke and Andew O'Connor as executive producers.

The Sun reported that Channel 4 had axed Star Stories to free up cash to invest in other shows.The main theme of the show is the theme from the film Gone with the Wind.

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We Stand Tall is a 1990 music video produced by the Church of Scientology. It features many individuals, including current Scientology leader, David Miscavige. Many of the participants have either come to publicly criticize the practices of the Church or have disappeared.The video features Miscavige, Mike Rinder, Marty Rathbun, Heber Jentzsch, and Shelly Miscavige.

X. and Church of Scientology v. Sweden

X. and Church of Scientology v. Sweden (7805/77) was a case decided by European Commission of Human Rights in 1979.

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